dawn

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“Not knowing when the dawn will come

I open every door.”

Emily Dickinson

 

I love this line from Emily Dickinson, a reminder that hope is about showing up, keeping our eyes open, and participating in God’s work in our lives . . . even when we don’t know, even when we can’t see, even when it doesn’t make sense.

 

We still watch for the coming dawn. We still trust a miracle is on its way.

 

I know that’s practically impossible some days.

 

Have you ever been through a really intense season, marked with lots of urgency and overwhelm and churning and swirling? And you’re so very in need of a dawn?

 

I have been waiting for a dawn of sorts in my own life, a time when all the internal urgency and fatigue and overwhelm would dissipate. I’m so grateful to say that this dawn is arriving, dose upon dose, and I feel remarkably grateful.

 

But, I have to say, part of this dawn arriving was the opening of every door . . . of pursuing my own health like it was my job, of investigating, sharing openly with trusted friends, writing about it, being courageous as I was able, beginning again.

 

Also, feeling very low and learning to invite Christ into that lowness. Not knowing when the dawn would come, I opened every door (with help, of course).

 

In my opinion, one of the central questions in all of Scripture (if not THE central question) is the question Jesus poses to the lame man by the pool at Bethesda in John 5: “Do you want to get well?”

 

“Um, hello, Jesus. I’ve been sitting here by this pool for 38 years, waiting to be healed. Obvi.”

 

Jesus knows that we all want someone to come along and help us get fixed, in the ways that we are broken or unhinged or disappointed or unsatisfied. But do we really want to get well? Do we want to participate in the process? Do we want to do the work? Do we want to make the hard decisions? Do we want to change?

 

Because these are brazen propositions.

 

“Do you want to get well?”

 

And if we do, if we really do, are we willing to open every door, to keep believing, even though the light has not yet come?

 

Where do you need a dawn to come in your life? What does it mean to open every door as you wait for that dawn?

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