Lately, I’ve been thinking about my own fears of being both remarkable and unremarkable. How scary it feels to be average, ordinary, unexceptional. And then, how equally scary it feels to be the big me, to allow myself to dream and to pursue those dreams unapologetically.
I’ve been thinking about how I have often needed to run, run, run in order to stay ahead of my fears of being “ordinary,” “average,” and “plain.”
AND, I’ve also slinked away from my own magic.
A few years ago I read eight words that changed my life. So pivotal were these words, they became the phrase that birthed my forthcoming book.
The eight words are these:
“We do not deserve to keep hurting ourselves.”
In these eight words, I saw my internal push-pull for what it was—a way that I stayed stuck on self vs. self and lost out on the gifts of both my humanity and my faith in God.
Much of my bullying, silencing, coaxing, pushing, and ignoring can be categorized by control, a way that I avoided having to let go and let God. In the end, though, I saw that my white-knuckling was only, always hurting me.
I’m ready for the spacious place: the place where I can—with great joy and abandon—lean into my own brazen magic AND, simultaneously, hand over the outcomes to God. I’m ready to stop punishing myself for not being God. I’m ready to be a friend to myself instead of a judge.
God, we need your help seeing ourselves for who and what we are. We’re afraid of our powerlessness and we’re afraid of our power. Help us to let go and give you our deepest treasures and trust your Godness. Help us to stop punishing ourselves and forgive ourselves for not being you. We want to be you so badly. We want to Know. And we don’t. Help us to live and breathe and play and heal and become . . . and help us to trust that you will magnify the magic. Help us to show up and let you show off. Amen.